


His Mission

by Imaginesfordayss



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 40's au, Angst, Avengers - Freeform, Bucky barnes x reader - Freeform, Captain America - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Marvel - Freeform, mcu - Freeform, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 17:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8632465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginesfordayss/pseuds/Imaginesfordayss
Summary: James promised to return to his fiance after the war but when she goes after him, she gets dragged into hydra as a bargaining chip to keep the winter soldier in his place. After the fall of Hydra, y/n and Bucky are both trying to put themselves back together while trying to remember the lost pieces of their past lives.





	

Every time you woke, you knew it could be the day his letter came. He tried to seem nonchalant about the whole thing but you knew he was as panicked as you were. Men died on the front lines every single day, the woman next door became a widow just last week.

It scared you, terrified you that he might go off to the war and you might never see him again. He told you not to worry, “I might not even go doll, maybe they’ll have me writing letters in Switzerland or something.” But you knew it wasn’t true, James was healthy and strong, a man like him would no doubt see battle.

The letter came on a Thursday, James was out with Steve probably off at Coney Island, no doubt taking poor Steve on the rides that would surely make him throw up. He knew something was off the second he got home, the lights were off but you were sat at the kitchen table over a bottle of whiskey and a white envelope beside it.  
“Doll..”

“Next week..”

“What?”

“That’s when you leave. Next week, Tuesday morning.” He strode past you, snatching the letter off the table in disbelief, reading it over and over as If the words would change, but there it was. He stood there for a moment unsure of how to feel. He was going off to fight for his country, it was a brave thing to do but at the same time, he was scared more than anything. His fears weren’t of dying or blowing up, he was scared of what would become of you. Would you find someone else while he was away? Would you be able to support yourself without him here?

He sat beside you, taking a swig of whiskey, letting it burn the inside of his throat and then he placed his hands over yours. “ You know I love you right?”

“….yeah.” You whispered.

“I’m gonna come back to you, I promise. It’s my mission to make it back to my best girl.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you.”

____________________

On Tuesday, you walked with him to the dock, Steve was on his left and you on his right with his arm hanging loosely around your waist. There were tears staining your face but you managed to hold yourself together. James looked handsome in his uniform. You imagined seeing him this way when he came home after the war. You so desperately wished it would happen this way, never seeing James again was something you couldn’t imagine facing.

He said his final goodbye to Steve, who looked like he was on the verge of tears as well, you faintly remembered James telling you about how much Steve wanted to enlist. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone alright, and take care of my best girl, punk.”

“Yeah, yeah I will, jerk.” James turned to you then, his eyes glistening with unfallen tears. Part of you broke in that moment and you threw your arms around him, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know, but I’ll be back in no time sweetheart, I swear. I’ll kill Hitler myself if I have too.” You laughed at his absurdity. “Doll, I’ve got one thing to ask you before I go.”

“Anything.” You saw him reach into his left pant pocket and then he unwrapped himself from you, getting down on one knee, he pulled out a small golden ring and held it up to you.

“When I get home, I want you to be my girl forever. Y/N L/N, would you like to marry me?” You stood there unable to move for what seemed like hours, just staring at him. You already knew what you were going to say but you couldn’t seem to formulate the words in your mouth. Instead you nodded your head vigorously noticing the brand new tears that stained your face.

“Yes Sergeant, I would most definitely, absolutely, like to marry you.” He got up slipping the ring on your appropraite finger.

“It was my mothers, I know she’d want you to have it.”

___________________________

As the weeks passed and the letters showed up less frequency, you held onto that ring like your life depended it. It was his promise, it was his way of saying he’d come back to you and you were grateful for it. The promise of a life together kept you from losing your mind. The letters helped too, James hardly ever talked about the war, never told you if he was in danger, you knew he was doing that so as not to worry you so you often asked Steve what James had sent to him. You’d found out he was on the front lines, fighting in the 107th, the same unit that Steve’s father had died in.

After nearly a month of silence of James’ end, you worried that perhaps something had happened. Steve had gone off to some kind of training which meant you had no way of reaching either of them. It was a painful couple of weeks. When you finally decided you couldn’t stand to sit around and wait for someone to show up at your door, you did the one thing James didn’t want you to do. You enlisted as a nurse for the war.

They were shorthanded as it is and you figured if he was out there fighting then there was something you had to do to help out. The soldiers you saw when you first made it out there were broken. Some suffered from physical injuries but most suffered even more mentally. You could see it in there eyes, they’d walk around camp drinking and hitting on the prettiest nurse they could find but it was only to cover up the fact that they were scared, scared to die, scared of something worse than death.

You wondered if this was what it was like for James, though you had no way of knowing. You hoped he was at least alive, the rest you could deal with. There had been talk of some Captain America fellow and that he’d be visiting the soldiers at your camp. When you saw him for the first time, you couldn’t believe your eyes.

“Steve?”

“y/n what are you doing here?”

“How did you get so big? Steve? Is that really you.”

“It’s uh, it’s complicated…but it’s me, yeah.” He told you the story over dinner that night, some scientist and the Stark guy had convinced him to be part of their experiment to make super soldiers. Clearly it had been a success, but you wondered what Steve was doing out here all the way in Germany. “…That’s what I came to talk to you about actually, Bucky’s unit….they uh, they got captured behind enemy lines. Everyone thinks they’re dead.” You felt the sob escape your throat before you had a chance to stop it. “…no no hey, don’t cry, listen to me, I’m gonna go get him. I’m gonna bring him back to you, I promise.”

When Peggy and Stark took Steve to rescue the men of the 107th, you had faith that Steve would bring them back. Even after days of no communication and radio silence, you didn’t give up. You knew Steve wasn’t a quitter. Hell, he was the scrawny kid from Brooklyn who had never said no to a fight, if he couldn’t do this, no one could. On the morning of the 5th day, you heard commotion outside. You left the tent to find out what was going on and then you saw it.

Lines of men in green uniforms, walking towards camp and at the front, a man dressed in what looked like some kind of American flag. Steve. Beside him you saw a figure, a familiar one, he had a distinct haircut though grown out and unbrushed, you’d recognize it anywhere.

“James.” You collided into him at full force, nearly knocking him over. You inhaled his scent, kissing wherever you could find skin.

“You know doll, usually, I get to this part after I take a girl to dinner.” You hit him over the head with the arm you had around his neck. “God, have I missed that pretty face. What the hell are you doing out here?”

“Lookin’ out for you obviously. Are you hurt, let me see.” You checked his body, him smirking out you when you got to his sensitive parts. “Oh shut it James, I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m with you aren’t I? Everything’s okay with you around.”

“Are you hitting on me sergeant?”

“Only if you’ll let me.”

“Sorry, got a guy I’m waitin’ for, supposed to marry him and everything.”

“Come here.” He pulled you to him, planting his mouth on yours in an intense kiss. You made sure not to let him get carried away as you were still in public, and surrounded by hundreds of men. You finished up your work with the injured and spent the night with James, letting him take you dancing at the one bar in town. Steve was there with a group of men, there was some talk about a team, ‘the howling commandos’ they called it. James had agreed to go with them, you knew he’d be leaving you again but you enjoyed the feeling of him in your arms, swinging you around while it lasted.

_________________________

Steve tried to stay in touch as much as he could while on missions, you’d learned quite a bit about Hydra from Peggy Carter. Steve seemed to be obsessed with the girl, it was adorable. You could tell she liked him too, she worried for Steve just as you did for Bucky. Last you had heard, the boys would be hijacking a train in order to capture a scientist named Zola.

When Steve returned that day, he wouldn’t look you in the eyes. “Steve! It’s so good to see you, now where’s James, he owes me a dance.” Steve stood there unmoving. “Steve?” When he looked at you, he was glassy eyed, you noticed the stains on his face from hours of crying and the way his hands shook. He opened his mouth and closed it again, and then your world ended. “Where is he Steve?” You pushed against his chest. “WHERE IS JAMES.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare.”

“Y/N.” He held out his arms to hug you but you pulled away more in shock than anything but you could feel the droplets of water falling down your face.

“You–you promised. You said you’d bring him back to me. That’s what you said.”

“I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.”

“We were supposed to get married.” You held up the ring around your neck. “How.”

“How?”

“How did it happen?”

“He fell. He was hanging on to the train and it broke….and he fell.”

“He could still be…”

“No one could survive that Y/N, not even me.”

“Where did he fall?”

“What?”

“WHERE DID HE FALL.”

“You can’t. You can’t go after him.”

“Watch me.”

_______________________________

You had gotten the coordinates from one of the other men on the team. You made sure no one saw you leave, packing a gps and some supplies, you set out in the middle of the night threw frozen wilderness. Admittedly, it wasn’t the best of ideas but if you stopped for even a moment to think of the possibly that James, your james could be dead, you’d lose it, so you pushed on.

By the time you reached the coordinates, the sun was rising. 30 yards out, you could see something dark covering the snow, as you got closer, you realized it was blood. Blood and tracks, someone had been dragged from here.

Please James, be alive.

You followed the footsteps to their origin. There was a building not far ahead and you wondered whether the allies would set up a base this far into enemy territory. You decided, you didn’t care. You needed to know James was alive. Before you got the opportunity to, a hard object hit the back of your head, knocking your body into the snow. You saw the men above you but your vision was far too blurred to properly get a look at them.

“Where’s James”

“Bring her in.”

____________________________

You heard him scream. Everyday you heard him scream in the room next to you, only a thin wall separating you from the love of your life. It wasn’t hard to guess that Hydra had taken you and James. A lot of time had passed since you’d arrived at the facility but no one had come to hurt you or free you so instead you were stuck inside your own head and the sounds of James’ suffering.

The only people you saw were the women who came in to bring food as well as injections. You fought it at first, unsure of what they were injecting you with but eventually succumbed after several kicks to the abdomen by the guards that stood near your door.

Time and life as you had known it, had seized to exist here. James didn’t scream anymore.

__________________________

“Soldier, do you know who this is?”

“My mission.”

“That’s right.” The first hit came unexpectedly. You hadn’t seen James since Steve had rescued him. His hair was longer, his eyes darker but the most striking difference was the metal arm attached on his left side. A result of the fall, you presumed.

“James? It’s me. It’s y/n.” He walked towards you, no change in his hard expression, you were hoping for an embrace, some tiny indication that he knew you but You received none, instead he pushed you to the floor, using his flesh arm to strike you across the face. You were momentarily dazed taking a moment to feel the intense sting in the side of your face.

Was this James? He had never laid a hand on you in any other manner besides delicate. This was his face and his body but it wasn’t the man that You loved. You were sure he noticed the look of fear the crossed your face but he didn’t hesitate on the next hit, or the one after that. Eventually your vision blurred as the blood trailed down your face and You let yourself succumb to the darkness once more.

_____________________________

The second time, he didn’t waste his energy with hitting. He came up behind you, before you had gotten a chance to notice him in the room and slid a knife across your throat in one fluid moment.

The third time, he used a gun.

You distinctly remembered these instances each time you woke in your bed. How could You possibly be alive with injuries like that. You didn’t need to be a nurse to know people couldn’t survive a gunshot to the head.

Sometimes You fought back usually not lasting more than a couple of seconds. You didn’t see this man as your James anymore, he was what they called him, the asset.

If You had had the time, you would have talked to him, tried to get him to see reason, to remember you but You knew, as soon as you woke in that room, You only had minutes to prepare for what was to come.

_________________________

“Nat, I think we should call Steve on this one.” Sam called out.

“Why, it’s just an old base.”

“Just trust me on this one, he’ll want to see this.” He said, staring up at the woman in the cryo freeze chamber.  
___________________________

You shot up quickly, before your eyes had even opened. You felt the tiredness in your muscles but readied yourself for a fight anyway.

“Hey, hey, hey you’re okay, y/n you’re okay.” It was a familiar voice, one you couldn’t quite place. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting to the light. The man in front of you was blond and very fit by the look of the shirt that clung to his body.

“Are you here to kill me?” Confusion crossed his face.

“No, of course not.”

“Then who is?” He stared at you for a couple moments longer, unsure of what to say.

“Nobody is here to kill you. You’re safe here y/n.”

“What did you call me?”

“Y/n, that’s your name.”

“I don’t have a name.” His look of confusion turned into one of worry.

“y/n do you remember me?”

“I’ve never seen you before.”

“Your name is Y/N L/N and you were taken by an organization named Hydra 70 years ago.” You stared at this man while he told you these impossible things. “We found your file at the base they held you in, it says they experimented on you…that you were immortal, it says they tested this theory. Do you remember what they did to you?” Distant flashes and memories of endless pain came to mind but you shook your head at him not sure whether to trust this man. “My name is Steve Rogers, I’m here to help you.”

“Why?” He seemed stumped by the question you could tell he was thinking of his response carefully.

“I want to help you.” Once Steve left the room, your thoughts had gone wild. Was this a joke? Were they pretending you were safe to surprise you later? And had it really been 70 years?

You tried to think back to all your years at Hydra’s facility but each memory was the same. Wake up, die. That’s all you were good for. Hydra had taken you and they had taken your life away. You wondered about the asset, whether you’d ever have to face him again the thought made you flinch in terror. You hoped that wherever he was, he would never find you.

________________________

You spent the first few days at what Steve had told you was the Avengers tower. He had given you your own room on an empty floor for your own privacy. He introduced you to part of the ‘team’ as they called it. Sam and Natasha were kind, both seeming to know more about you than you knew about yourself. On the third day, Steve had asked you if you remembered anything about yourself before Hydra but you drew a blank, whoever you were before was gone now.

Mostly, you spent your time in my room looking for possible weapons if things were to go south at any point. Natasha had come by every few hours to talk, though she did most of the talking. She tried to catch you up on events you missed. Apparently we had gone to the moon and letters had turned into electronic devices that sent messages through the air. It was all very overwhelming to say the least but you adapted, you had too.

It was the morning of the 8th day of your stay at the tower when Steve called you to the main room. “Well the rest of the team got in yesterday so I wanted them to meet you, I explained your situation to them as best I could so they’ll keep their distance for the time being.” You nodded, not paying attention to the various figures walking into the room but instead surveying the room for possible exits.

You finally decided to look up at the faces, smiling at each of them. You noticed a figure hanging back behind them, dark hair surrounding their face. “Hey Buck, come out here I want you to meet someone.” The man stepped forward and looked up.

It took you a fraction of a second to grab the kitchen knife of the counter and throw it towards him. You were already running when you heard the distinct sound of metal connecting with metal.

You knew it. It was all a hoax. They were setting you up for this. This was still Hydra and the asset would be coming for you any second. You bolted down the stairs two at a time. You heard the staircase door open up behind you so you picked up your pace. You barely heard the sound of Steve’s voice calling your name before you tripped over your own legs tumbling down the stairs. Great, you said to yourself.

_______________________

“You saw the way she ran man, she was terrified of him. Who knows what he did to her in there.”

“I thought it would help her remember.”

“It helped her remember something..just not what you wanted.”

“She has to remember, they both do.”

“Look man, is it even worth it? She threw a damn knife at him, whatever he did, she’s obviously not interested in getting to know him.” You heard the familiar voices speaking above you.

“How long was I out? They both stopped talking immediately, turning to you instead.

“A couple hours.” Sam said.

“You hit your head pretty hard.” Steve joined in.

“Where is he? Where’s the asset? I have to get out here.” You suddenly got up, throwing your legs over the bed attempting to get up before Steve pushed you down gently again.

“He’s not here. Don’t worry, he uh, he won’t come here, okay?”

“You’re lying. You’re all hydra.” You thrashed around trying to get up again. “He’s going to kill me, he always does. I’m his mission.” Sam and Steve both gave each other a weary look before Sam spoke up.

“Is that how Hydra knew you were immortal?” You stilled looking up at him trying to keep your face emotionless.

“Yes.”

_______________________

Steve made you stay in bed for days, in that time he came to talk to you, came to explain everything he hadn’t before. “Bucky was, he was taken by Hydra too. They experimented on him and brainwashed him. He was programmed to kill, he didn’t have a choice. I knew him, growing up, he was a good guy. For a long time he was the winter soldier but, he doesn’t do that anymore. He’s not going to hurt you. He got out of Hydra too.”

“You don’t know the asset like I do.”

“You don’t know how right you are about that, but I hope you will someday. Do you…want to talk about what happened?”

“I don’t remember much. I remember pain, a lot of pain. I would wake up, different places usually, and then he would be there. The guard would ask him what his mission was, and he’d say it’s me and then he’d get started. Sometimes knives or guns….but…” Your voice broke at that moment, giving away how scared you were to relive the few memories you did have. “but he preferred to use his hands. They taught me to fight, to try to fight back but it was useless.” Steve was crying when you looked up and you didn’t understand why. Something about this whole thing was familiar but you were sure you had never seen Steve cry in the two weeks that you’d known him.

“I know it’s hard. You see him and you think he’s going to do all those things again, but I promise you, he won’t hurt you.”

“Promise?” Steve remembered the last time he’d made you a promise and how it had ended.

“I promise you.”

_________________________

Your instincts told you to trust Steve, so you did. You stayed in the tower with the others, very non discreetly avoiding the asset, or Bucky as they called him. You had told Steve you would try but you weren’t sure how you’d react if you saw him again.

However, you couldn’t elude the assassin forever. The first time you came face to face with him was at breakfast on a Sunday morning. Natasha said it was rare that the whole team weren’t all on missions at once so they had all planned to have breakfast that morning and hoped you’d be there.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, I know you can do this y/n, don’t let some boy keep you from eating the best pancakes you’ll ever have in your life.” You like Natasha, she didn’t treat you so seriously, she treated you like a friend.

“And he’ll be there? You’re sure?”

“Yes and so will the rest of us. You aren’t in danger y/n, I know you’ve been conditioned to expect danger all the time, I know what that feels like but I promise you getting through this breakfast will be a great step in your recovery.” She sighed. “First sign of danger and I’ll get you out of there in the blink of an eye, okay?” You nodded, following her down the hall.

You could hear the laughter echoing all the way down the halls, it reminded you of a distant memory, two boys you couldn’t quite recognize. You were pulled out of your thoughts when the smell of food hit your nostrils. Your stomach growled in response and you hurriedly made your way into the room, not paying attention to anyone else. A pair of hands handed you a plate of pancakes with syrup and whipped cream on top and you took them without hesitation. Behind you, you heard someone whisper, “That’s how she used to like em.” You assumed it was Steve and ignored the comment in favor of your hunger, deciding to ask him about it later. Steve sure did seem to know a lot about you.

You were halfway done with your plate when Natasha sat down laughing next to you, “Hungry much?”

“You were right. Best pancakes I’ve ever had.”

“Bruce made em.” You looked up at Bruce on the other side of you, thanking him quietly. You and Nat made small talk as you ate and for several minutes, everything felt normal. Until you heard glass shattering across the room. You ducked under the table, squeezing your eyes shut, trying to keep from hyperventilating but you could already feel your body shaking with fear. The room went silent.

Nat stuck her head under the table, worry in her eyes. “It’s okay, they dropped a glass of milk. Y/N you’re okay, no one is gonna hurt you, you can come back up.” You took a minute to get your breathing under control before you slowly crawled out from the table, finding your way back to your seat. You didn’t dare look up from your food, knowing that all the eyes in the room, were on you.

“I’m, uh, sorry. My mistake.” Your eyes shot up, that voice was unforgettable. His voice was like velvet but it didn’t hold the same cold demeanor that it used too. You let your eyes wander over him, he did look different, more human almost, you still didn’t trust him though and only nodded in response.

_______________________

The second time you came face to face with your killer was when you’d made the mistake of going to the gym by yourself in the late hours of the night. Usually Natasha would come with you but her recent mission had tired her out and you needed your training. You figured no one would be up this late, the only reason you were was because of the nightmares.

You saw him immediately, his back facing you, pounding into a punching bag like his life depended on it, and for a moment you imagined yourself in the punching bags place, how it used to be.

He heard the door close behind you, stopping himself and turning around to look at you. He looked like a deer caught in headlights when you made eye contact. You weren’t sure whether to run and he wasn’t sure whether he should let you, he wanted to know why you feared him.

“I can leave if you want.”

“No, no, it’s fine, you were already here. I’ll come back later.” You made it back to the door before he spoke again.

“Wait…can I ask you something.” You took a deep breath and nodded, turning back to face him, taking note of how his shirtless body glistened with sweat uncomfortable with the fact that you nearly enjoyed it.

“Why did you run…from me, the first day?”

“Because I was your mission.” With that, you sprinted out of there, running from him yet again. You were always running from him, it seemed.

___________________________

The days at the Avengers tower got easier. You went to therapy, you trained, you got to know your now team mates. They welcomed you with open arms, well most of them. Bucky seemed at a loss whenever you were around. He didn’t know what you had meant in the gym that night or why he seemed so drawn to you. Steve was useless in the information department, Bucky could tell he was lying but Steve continued to keep his mouth shut about anything he may know about y/n.

“Come on punk, cough it up, I know you’re hiding something.”

“If you’re so interested in her, why don’t you ask her Buck?”

“Do you see the way she looks at me? She’s scared of me Steve, I just want to know why.”

“Fine Bucky. Read her file.”

________________________

Bucky didn’t sleep for days. He replayed the words over and over in his head. The experiments, his part in the whole ordeal. He had killed this girl. He had killed this girl more times than he could count and he couldn’t even remember her. He felt guilt in the pit of his stomach and more than anything, he felt disgust. She was a small thing, there was no way she could have fought him off. How many times had she tried, he wondered.

He then understood her reaction to him the first time they met, when she had ran like her life depended on it, she must have thought it really did. Bucky went to the gym after that, tearing open more than a few punching bags, wishing he could somehow do the same thing to himself.

He knew, he knew what he had done, the terror the poor girl must feel seeing his face everyday but he still didn’t understand his attraction to this girl. Something in him told him to protect her, to be near her even when he knew he shouldn’t.

__________________________

“So how’s It feel?” Nat said sitting on your bed.

“I mean, I thought there’d be a cool jacket or something but I guess we’re not that kind of team.” She hit your leg lightly.

“I’m serious!”

“It feels good…to belong somewhere. You’ve all been so kind these past four months, the least I can do is help you kick some ass.”

“In that case, team’s training for the mission tomorrow, be at the gym in 20.” Nat was the only one you’d trained with before but since officially joining the team, Tony and Steve had decided to integrate you into the team training schedule. You looked down at the paper in front of you, “Clint, Steve, Natasha, and…..Bucky.” You suppressed an urge to run from the place as soon as you read it. They wanted you to spar with Bucky?

You knew by now, he wasn’t the asset anymore but you weren’t sure how you’d react when he was in front of you, trying to hit you again. You pondered the subject all throughout your training sessions with the others, when you finally finished with Natasha, the others were also finished as well, seemingly all watching what you would do. You approached Bucky, who was still working on beating the hell out of the punching bag in front of him.

“Barnes..” He looked at you confused.

“Oh, I’ll move, sorry.”

“No, I’m, uh, well I’m supposed to spar with you.”

“No.” The rest of the team looked to the two of you, the tension in the room rose exponentially.

“What do you mean?”

“I said no.” With that, he brushed past you, grabbing his gym bag on the way out the door. The team looked at you for some kind of reaction but you were stuck in your head. You saw a man, he looked like Bucky, he was dressed in old clothing with shorter hair, a bright smile dawned on his face.

“y/n no, come on, get down from there, you’re gonna get hurt.”

“oh, please, James, have some fun!”

“I said no.”

______________________

You left the gym after that, not saying a word to the others. As you walked back to your room memories of a past life seemed to come pouring into your head almost painfully.

James and you laughing on a Ferris wheel, him kissing you for the first time.

James taking you dancing, and showing you how to waltz to Bing Crosby, he asked you to be his girl that night.

Steve, James and his sisters all coming over for Christmas and helping you cook a turkey for the first time.

The night Bucky got his letter and all the nights spent in bed afterwards, “I’ll never forget the taste of your skin doll, like peaches and honey.”

James asking you to marry him on the pier before he got shipped out.

James telling you he loves you over and over when you cried in his arms.

Following James into the war, into the hands of Hydra.

You sat on your bed, head in your hands pounding. Your heart was racing and you felt as if the breath had gotten sucked right out of your body. Bucky. Bucky was your James.

______________________

You pounded your fists on Steve’s door. It was only about 4:30am but you couldn’t stay In your room any longer. He opened his door quickly, sleep still in his eyes. “Are you okay, what’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“We were going to get married.” A look of realization crossed Steve’s face before he quickly pulled you into the room with him.

“How long have you known?”

“Today at the gym…he said something and it brought a memory back…and then another and another.”

“I knew you’d remember.” You hit Steve’s chest as hard as you could, eliciting a groan from him.

“I have so many questions for you Steven Grant Rogers. How the hell could you sit here and not tell me? Does he know? How are you alive Steve?”

“y/n I didn’t tell you because I saw how you reacted to him, that’s not what you needed to hear. He was the man you loved and he did those things to you. I mean, not willingly but, you know. I don’t know how much he knows. He knows what he did to you. As for me being alive, I was frozen, same as you. Well not same but close enough.” You chuckled at him, seeing the old Steve you used to know come out.

“God, what are the odds that the three of us would make it through the war and into the next god damn century…together.”

“Kind of a miracle, if you think about it.” You cried out just then, covering your mouth.

“Steve, what do I say to him? Oh god, Steve, what the hell do I do? That’s my fiancé.”

______________________

The mission was supposed to be easy. Get Intel, get out. It got a little messy in the middle of the process. Being as unlucky as you are, you were stuck with Bucky, or as you now remembered him, James. The walk to the base was fairly quiet, it gave you time to look at him, really look at him.

He looked older, but not by much. His long hair was a drastic change from back in the day but you still liked it, it framed his face nicely, though he currently had it tied in a bun. His eyes were the same ocean blue as they had been before. He didn’t quite walk like the assassin you knew him as but his stance still showed signs of being a soldier. He kept his gun up as you walked using his metal arm. He was much more fit than he was in the forties, nearly twice his own size in muscle, you weren’t sure how you felt about it. It didn’t help that his combat gear and the black tactical outfit clung to his body, showing off all the muscular areas. He looked mouthwatering.

“Why are you staring?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at me for twenty minutes, I called your name.”

“Sorry.” You blushed, hoping he didn’t notice. This was a new feeling for you. Everything you’d known in the past 70 years was fear and pain, this felt..lighter. Happier.

When the fire fight started, James threw himself in front of you as if it was second nature. Upon realizing the proximity of your faces, he backed away, turning back to the enemy and firing precise shots at each target. He’d always been a good shot.

“Stay down.” He said beside you as he got up walking towards the targets, using hand to hand combat now to take them down. He was always so protective of you, you thought fondly, even now. But this was your first mission and you were not about to miss out.

You came up behind several Hydra agents taken down one with a swift punch and taking on the other two at once. It was a dumb idea you realized after the second punch to your gut, but there was no turning back now. Out of nowhere, a figure came behind them, knocking both the men to the ground. Bucky.

“What the hell? I had em on the ropes.”

“I told you to stay down.”

“Yeah, well you don’t tell me what to do.” He stepped closer to you, getting into your personal space, his mouth inches away from your own. It’d been a while since you had been close to him like this and not felt a sense of imminent death.

“You have no idea what you’re doing out here. I do. So when I tell you to stay down, you stay down.”

“Yeah well not all of us kill for a living.” He paused, looking at you with a mix of surprise and anger. And then, without a word, he walked away.

God dammit, you thought. It was a low blow, you knew that but that’s what you and James did. You said harsh things and then you’d make up. Except, this wasn’t James anymore.  
________________________

It was him who avoided you then. Found reasons to leave the room when you were there. You knew you couldn’t be angry at him for that but you were anyway. You made it hard for him to ignore you, spending time in all the places you knew he enjoyed going.

Truth be told, you wanted him. Now that you remembered the nights spent together, all the happy times, you wanted that again. You weren’t delusional, you knew it wouldn’t be the same but maybe, it could still be something.

“Hey Steve, where’s Bucky?”

“Y/n….he seemed pretty pissed off the last time I told you…you wanna tell me what happened on that mission?”

“I just wanna know where he is.”

“Fine. Gym. Oh wait, I wanted to give you something, I used to keep it in my wallet but I figured you’d want it.” You looked at the wrinkled picture, you and Bucky kissing on a bench, coney island you assumed, looked around 1937.

“Steve…thank you.”

________________________

“Wanna spar with me?” He jumped slightly in surprise, you couldn’t help but stare at how low his sweatpants hung on his body, like any sudden movement would have them falling down or how sweat dripped down his shirtless torso in an almost mesmerizing way.

“You and I both know the answer to that.”

“Great, I’ll wrap my hands.”

“y/n.”

“You can’t avoid me forever.”

“But I can try.” He said bitterly.

“Why don’t you ever spar with me like with everyone else? I’ve seen you train with them.”

“You know why.”

“Past lives…live and let live or whatever.”

“I killed you. I killed you so many times. How are you going to sit here and pretend none of that happened. I’m a monster, a fucking monster.”

“James, don’t say that.”

“What did you call me?” He faced you directly now.

“I, uh, sorry.” You left the room after that, having embarrassed yourself enough, it was clear he didn’t remember. You could feel his eyes on you as you walked away.

____________________

“She called me James.”

“Well she calls me Steve.”

“No one calls me James.”

“Well are you getting along at least?”

“Why’s it matter?”

“Because I see the way you look at her when she’s not staring.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Buck, I’ve seen you In love before.”

“Shut up, punk.” He wouldn’t admit it to Steve, hell, he couldn’t even admit it to himself. He liked this girl, he couldn’t pretend like he didn’t anymore. Something about her felt like home and he knew he’d take a hundred bullets for her if he had too, it was why he had gotten so angry on the mission. It was why he hated himself for what he did to her. It was why he knew he should stay away from her even though he desperately wanted to be closer.

______________________

Nat had told you that Tony held parties often, extravagant ones. Nat had let you splurge through her wardrobe since you didn’t have any clothes for this type of occasion. You decided on a low cut gown that showed off just enough of your breasts to be seductive. The dress was a rich crimson in color and fit you like a glove. You were sure this would attract male attention and you hoped it would be the right male. The party was in full swing when you arrived. Natasha had been right, the party was ridiculous. Gymnasts swung from the walls, tables upon tables of food and drinks were littered around the huge room, lights hung from every corner.

It was nearly overwhelming. “Bit over the top, right? I panicked the first time Steve made me come to one of these.” You turned to him, he had shaved, looking much more ruggedly handsome than before and he was dawned in a navy blue suit with a black tie, his hair hanging loosely on his shoulders freshly washed. You couldn’t help it, you looked him over several times before he cleared his throat. “Like something you see?”

“A lady never says.”

“Well I do…you look beautiful.” You were sure that the blush that creped up onto your face must of matched your dress by now. “Care to dance?” Again you looked at him in shock, this was a huge change in attitude from the day before.

“I’d love too.” He took your hand in his left one gently and led you to the floor just as a slow song started. You distinctly remembered his instruction back in the dance hall and used that to waltz with him now. “You’re different today.”

“Well I’m nearly 100 and I decided I probably shouldn’t deny myself the simple pleasures in life such as, dancing with a pretty lady, or even kissing her.”

“Well aren’t you forward?”

“Can you blame me, haven’t been on a date in 70 years.”

“Me either.” He looked down at you beaming.

“Well how am I doing then?”

“This is a date?”

“Not good then.”

“No no, I just, didn’t expect this is all. You’re doing good.”

“wouldn’t want to disappoint. Can I ask you somethin’ doll?”

“Yeah.”

“That necklace round your neck, you wear it everyday, what’s it for?”

“The ring….”, you hesitated. “The ring’s from my fiancé, he’s gone now, but we were gonna get married after the war.”

“Sorry to hear it.”

“Me too.”

“Another question?”

“Go for it.”

“Why’d you call me James?” You hadn’t expected it, but you took a moment to formulate the thought.

“Everyone else calls you Bucky, I don’t want to be everyone else.”

“Trust me darlin’, you’re far from it.” You spent the next few hours dancing with him, getting drinks in between, laughing at some of the guests who had clearly become to intoxicated to dance. When the night wound down, James offered to walk you back up to your room. Your stomach did flips the whole way there, wondering whether you should invite him in. The old you would have taken him right there in the elevator but you knew that wasn’t how you wanted him to see you.

“So uhm, wanna come in or something?”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Yeah….”

“Believe me, I’d like to, I just…I shouldn’t.”

“Goodnight then?” Instead of replying, he leaned down, slipping his arms around your waist to pull you closer and he pressed his lips to yours firmly. It was long and intense and full of things neither of you dared to say out loud. You could feel the need behind his kiss as well as the guilt. You were sure if he didn’t stop soon, you’d pull him into your room but then he pulled away from you, out of breath and leaned his forehead to you. The way he stared at you made your heart beat nearly out of your chest, it was a look you’d seen before a long long time ago.

“You taste like peaches….peaches and honey.” At that moment, the horror of your last 70 years didn’t exist, at that moment it was just you and your Bucky.

___________________

“James, aren’t we a little old to be having secret sex in the middle of the night, what if you break a hip?” You said sarcastically, in between heated kisses. The joke earned you a smack from the man under you.

“Starting to regret kissing you.” He chuckled.

“Oh shut up, you love it.”

“That I do.” He pulled you back to him, one hand gripping your waist, the other tangled in your hair. Sweat glistened off both your bodies but you didn’t mind. This wasn’t the first time you’d been with James intimately but he didn’t know that, you used this to your advantage, kissing and biting the areas on his neck that you knew were sensitive and smiling in triumph when he groaned quietly.

The both of you were only clothed in your undergarments by now and you were quickly becoming impatient, needing some sort of friction between your legs. Just as you started grinding down against him you felt his erection on your inner thigh, smiling and decidedly not making the ‘grandpa can still get it up’ joke that you so desperately wanted too.

James seemed to know all the right places to touch and you momentarily wondered if he’d gotten any practice in the past century. You smiled to yourself, audibly sighing when he kissed down either side of your collarbones like he used too, it made you feel a bit nostalgic and a bit dizzy with pleasure.

Whatever you and James had going on was intoxicating. Several times, you had pulled him into the nearest closet to have your way with him. He wasn’t as gentle as he used to be, his kisses were desperate and full of need. It was like once you got your mouth on his you couldn’t pull away. You were sure the rest of the team knew, though they didn’t say anything, except Steve of course.

“So are you like together now? Half the time, I hear him coming back to his room at 2am and I know he’s not going to the gym that often. Plus he’s been way too happy lately.”

“You know, Steve, you sound just like my mother. And I don’t know. I don’t know what we are, I’m just happy..to have him back. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For bringing him back to me like you promised.”

___________________

It’d been a month since Tony’s party and Bucky and you were currently cuddled up in your comforter watching some sort of action movie. You were content with the way things were, happy to have the man of your dreams in your arms again, you never imagined it would all happen this way but you were glad that it did.

“Buck.”

“Doll.”

“Why’d you kiss me?”

“You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“At the party.”

“Well, when you walk a pretty lady back to her place after a night of sweeping her off her feet, you assume she’s in to you, I mean you did invite me in.”

“How’d you know I wanted to kiss you, huh?”

“Those big doe eyes of yours were just begging me too.” You laughed, hitting his chest lightly.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Can I ask you something too?”

“Anything.”

“When’s the wedding?” You sat up, looking down at him.

“Whose wedding?”

“I promised you one didn’t I?” Your eyes grew wide, he just smiled knowingly.

“How long have you known?”

“Since that kiss. I’d recognize those lips anywhere, even with 70 years of brainwashing added in.”

“You still want to get married?”

“Well the wars over ain’t it? And I didn’t give you that ring just to hold onto. I said I wanted to be with my best girl and here you are.” You turned to face him, wrapping yourself tightly around him , sobs already racking through your body. He remembered. After a few minutes, you pulled away to look up at him, he lifted a hand to your face wiping away the stray tears and replacing them with soft kisses.


End file.
